For a number of years this has made me feel like I have been at a cross-roads in my life; do I go left or right, or postpone the decision....
Over the past couple of years a few things have presented themselves as opportunities of learning how to reshape my life more towards what I may want it to be. Don't get me wrong I'm content in my current situation, I am wanting to make myself happier with myself.
A couple years ago I picked up a book on overcoming procrastination, and yes I have been procrastinating on reading it. I started it and found I should treat it more like a work book than a novel, and that was what made me put it down.
Last week I heard about http://www.theminimalists.com/ and started to look into it (not too much as yet). From some of what I saw it made me think about several years ago when I looked into Buddhism, and something I would like to begin to pursue - cutting back what is extraneous and unnecessarily cluttering my life.
Today I briefly thought about how some of the things I do (surfing the web, playing games, facebook, etc) are just ways I avoid myself and facing the tasks I should be working on.
My hope is over the next while (months, years, who knows), to actually write some of my thoughts and progress here in this blog. To identify where I am trimming the fat and where I am changing habits, and perhaps see where I am going.
With that in mind, there will likely be things written that reflect a hidden, possibly darker, or shocking side to me for those that know me offline.
It is probably a good idea to start off with where I'm at at the changes I have begun.
I own a house. I bought it in 2008 when I went back to University to get a second degree. I rent out room in the house, currently to a gay couple and another man. Since buying the house I always felt there would be a time to sell it, and it has always been "in a couple years". I have put work into renovating it, and trying to maintain it, but there are a few quirks that I feel I can live without. I enjoy the location and the neighbourhood, and my tenants. My mortgage is up for renewal next month and have looked into the mortgage rates etc, and once again it will be "a couple years" before I sell the house. I have also presented the idea to the gay couple of them buying the house from me (in at least couple years), and expressed I do not need to know their thoughts for about a year (to then give me a year to prepare the house to sell - minor renovations needed to sell the house on the open market, painting etc). I have though begun to purge my stuff. I have rented a storage unit to help move some of my boxes out so my tenants can store their stuff where mine currently is (and not in the middle of some workable space).
My career is on a holding pattern at the moment as I work towards certification. This last year I managed a major progress by taking a job out of town. My second degree was in Education and here it requires 2 years of certified teaching to get a permanent teaching certificate. The job I had from September to April was teaching upgrading courses at a (very) small college, which luckily turned out to count towards my permanent certification, only 80% mind you. The college is about 425 km from my house (another reason to consider selling), so not a daily commute. I have conditionally accepted to work there again this September, on condition they send me a reasonable contract. At the moment I am substitute teaching which I have mixed emotions about. I enjoy the more relaxed work load, but not the uncertainty of work. I have been on the substitute teaching list with the same school board (near my house) for the past 2 years, and I would hazard a guess that I'm probably no where near 20% of their teaching year (I was given the name & number of someone to ask and have yet to check). With the way the funding is (was; we just had a change in government) for education here, I'm not even certain I would like to work full time in the public school system. That being said, I have not had an opportunity to have an extended experience. At the small college, my largest class size was 8 students (no where near the 30+ I have seen subbing). I have thoughts about possible work arrangements that I could enjoy settling down with, but I feel I want my permanent teaching certification before I make some of those choices.
Love life is one that has generally been absent in my life. It it one thing I do not understand how to start working towards without doing things that are so far outside my comfort zone they are not me. There is also the factor that I consider myself queer, not just because I am more attracted to men then women, but because of other factors that make me feel totally out of the norm. (More on this topic will likely appear in later posts.)
I think this is enough for a first post on this new venture for this blog.